i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
