I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it wasn't lemon gatorade
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
