we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you had me at cake vodka
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
