I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
