the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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