i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
