Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
