Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We left the knife in your bed.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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