bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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