Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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