To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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