No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
