Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
