Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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