I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
