u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
