She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
