maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
