I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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