Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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