Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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