I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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