Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
