I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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