That's intense
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
