talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
