You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
