Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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