"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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