Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
