Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
