I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
