I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Of course I have a pirate flag
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
