The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
