If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
