Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
