Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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