Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
