Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
