a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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