so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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