Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
