My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
