dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Are we still banned from the library?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
