This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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