i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
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