I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
operation have a gay friend backfired
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
