Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You're earring is so big in my mouth
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Two words: nipple clamps
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