that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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