Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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